In One Piece! By Susan Osborne

 

In One Piece!      By Susan Osborne 

(This poem is a conversation between a Baker’s lass and Farmer’s lad, who met at the Village fete)

   

I baked a cake fer t’ village fete

An placed it on a stand

I allus use t’ very best

An I mun say, it looks reet grand.

 

‘Arta gunna slice it then?’

I just thowt I’d ask,

‘After t’ judgin tha can ave a piece

But only if tha’s geet some brass.’

 

Best butter, soft brown sugar,

Rich spices n fruit that’s moist.

It’s best tay-bread tha’ll ever taste,

Tha couldn’t mek a better choice.

 

‘But I’m fair clemm’d, I’ve got bellywark

Can’t I ‘ave a small piece now?

A tasty treat afore t’ judging starts

An I’ll show thi mi fust prize sow.

 

‘Stop thi mitherin, I won’t give in

It’s best judged in one piece.

But I’ll come n see this fancy pig

If tha tells me wheer it is.                       

 

It’s won fust prize three yur in a row,

That pig’s mi pride n joy,

I’ve fed an wattered an tentered ‘er

Sin I were just a boy.

 

I’ll gie thee a slice o mi tay-bread then

In exchange fer a bit o bacon,

Just nick a slice off er backside

Cos that’s tastiest location.

 

Yer must be kiddin, I’m not butcherin sow

So tha gets a slice o bacon!

That’s feightin talk where I come fro

Tha’d best tek it back young maiden!

 

Well, be off nah cos t’ judge is ‘ere

Polish yer porky’ wi a bit o grease

Yer see, that sow’s jus like mi tay-bread, lad,

It’s best judged STILL IN ONE PIECE!